Saturday, I took my 16-year old son and three of his friends to In-and-Out for lunch and then to the Bass Pro Shop, where I dropped them off for an hour or so. When I picked them up, they had said that they had a good time and my son had bought he and his best friend a Bass Pro Shop cap. His best friend has always been a very nice kid; always polite and appreciative. He lives down the street from my son, so they see each other nearly every day. My son and he would get together during the school year, early in the morning and watch some shows they both liked on Netflix or Youtube.
I saw my son the other day when he came to visit and then took him to the grocery store and back to his mom’s house. About 40 minutes later, he texted me that his best friend had died. We still don’t know the circumstances, but the young man was at home apparently and not driving his car. The friend’s dad had called my son to give him the news.
My son will quickly realize that his best friend won’t be there to hang out, Facetime with or text back and forth with. That enjoyable part of life is gone.
What do you say to your teen when they lose their best friend? Even as a Christian, I have few words that can offer comfort. My son has stated in the past that he felt sad when one of the rappers he likes has died. Now, he has to experience what real loss feels like. Not a distant person, but someone he saw the day before and most days the past two years.
You can’t tell a teen that this is a part of life. You can’t say that it is just a part of God’s plan. You can’t assure him that with time, the sadness will get easier. These things may all be true, but they don’t bring the measure of comfort that is needed.
As an only child, my son didn’t have any other family members to lean on when his parents were divorced. No grandparents living nearby and no siblings. He had to deal with that sadness mostly on his own and depend on his friends for support. (as well as his dad) Now, after a year and a half of a pandemic, a compromised school year, as well as the school year before, few opportunities to socialize and the heat of an Arizona summer; he loses his best friend in the world.
What do you say?
If you learn that someone young died at home, and not in a car accident; then the possibilities narrow. Some young people have congenital heart defects and other health problems that remain undiscovered. Some young people die because of drugs, although my son said he has never witnessed this young man use drugs. And then there is another reason; which has become too common in recent years. We can only pray that is not the case.
As parents, we have to be concerned about the mental toll that the pandemic has taken. Seeing half of friends and teacher’s faces every day, distance learning, social distancing, missed graduations and sports events, friendships and socializing. That toll has not yet been fully measured and quantified, but I’m sure that in the future, an accurate accounting of the suicides and drug deaths will present a devastating period of American life.
Adding to this mental stress with the death of a best friend and the remnants of a divorce is a lot for any young person to deal with. What does a parent say that brings real comfort? There can be talks and hugs, but words will most likely come up short.
(Update: last night, my son stated that he had received a text from the young man’s mother and the cause of death was drugs.)
